Fun With Punctuation

If you feel like being very disturbed, go rent the Korean film "Oldboy." It's a hell of a movie but not suited for those who offend or disgust easily. I can't really say much about it without ruining the movie for you. All I will say is that my mom wouldn't like it, but my dad would. It's one of those films. For those of you who don't like the edgy movies, I recommend "Dodgeball." A great underdog story staring the ever-so-charming Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller in his best role since "Zoolander." I was pleasantly surprised with the quality of this feel good comedy, and Rip Torn had some priceless one-liners.

I'm not sure I'm using the hyphen properly. It's one of those things that I never really paid attention to in class and am suffering for now. Where does it go? Do I use it with "one-liners" as shown above or "ever-so-charming," or is it something that should be avoided in these situations. I pretty sure I'm using quotes properly though.

I'll tell you one person that doesn't use quotes properly, my old boss whose name will not be revealed. In her daily tirades about the lack of sharpies on the fifth floor or amount of napkins in the third floor kitchen, she would gesture around words with the annoying, two finger quote sign arbitrarily. She would say something like, "David, you 'need' to order paper for the 'second' floor 'copy room.'" I don't see a need for quotations around "need," "second," and "copy room," but apparently she thought it really got her point across. As if her condescending tone and the sheer stupidity of the task at hand wasn't enough to make me hate every moment of my life at that bank. I guess the moral of the story is to avoid any excessive form of punctuation unless you're absolutely positive it's necessary.

That's enough fun with punctuation for now. My seventh grade English teacher would be so proud of my interest in this subject. I should have her send out a copy of Werner's for me. Or is it Warner's... Now that I think of it she was the first person to encourage me to keep a journal while traveling (she made me do it for class when I missed a week to go to Australia). Consider this a thank you note to Mrs. Howard for leaving such an unsuspected and lasting impression on my life. I would have never guessed it when I was thirteen and angry at the world.

Subway Stop

I saw a little boy peeing into a bottle held by his mother yesterday. I couldn't believe it. It was in the subway terminal, which is generally an extremely clean place. Apparently, this kid really had to go. His pants were pulled down to his ankles, underwear was partially pulled down, and his mom held a drink bottle around his bits and pieces while he relieved himself. I've seen vagrants urinating in subway corners but I have never seen a three year old pull down his pants and pee while his mom held the bottle. You have to respect that mother.

After the subway experience a friend and I rented out a studio and played some music, and I must say it felt pretty darn good to bang on some drums for a while. I'll definitely be going back there. Afterwards, we ate at one of many outdoor bbq spots in the area of the studio. Most of the places have ribs or some sort of beef, but we found one that had shellfish. There is a bbq pit in the middle of your table and you watch these live shellfish cook right in front of you. A hell of an experience. I'm not a big shellfish eater, but I sure did enjoy it. I even had sea snail. The whole bbq thing turned out to be kind of dangerous as some of the huge clams exploded on the grill. My friend was sprayed with juice and bits of shell flew into my food. I recommend wearing goggles.

I couldn't be more ready to move into my own place. It should happen soon. I just saw a cockroach crawl across the floor. While this is only the second one I've seen since I've been here, I suspect much more to be hiding. I just hope they're not crawling into my mouth while I sleep or camping out in my underpants. This place is kind of disgusting and my roommate doesn't do much to improve things, thus I have become a little lazy as well. I'm ready for a little personal space so I can only get pissed at myself for a mess.

That's it for now. Stay clean...

Welcome Back

I haven't been too inspired lately, but I'm back and refreshed with plenty of thoughts for your dome.
The picture attached is from a McDonald's in Osaka. I know, of all the things I could have attached, I pick this. But I was so happy to see McD's give an answer to Burger King's Croissanwich. Look at this thing. Hamburger, Egg, Cheese, Bacon, and three buns. The only thing I've seen that's worse is the Fatboy at Otto's in KC. That had all these things plus cream cheese and jalapenos. Really though, I'm just happy to see the Japanese eating something substantial. All that rice and raw fish can't be healthy.

I'm in the computer lab at the school with one of my "Elite" classes. They're working on power-point presentations for a seminar next month. One of the boys is going to speak about metrosexuals. When he read his speech to me the other day, I had to hold back the laughter as he talked about David Beckham's "beautifully sculpted muscles" and his good-looks. What twelve year-old you know talks about metrosexuals? All I know is either this kid is extremely comfortable with his sexuality for a thirteen year-old (a pretty confusing time considering he's probably getting an erection every five minutes), or he is going to be very confused soon.

It's tough being so far away from family and friends when they are going through hard times. The ability to have conversations over the internet (skype is great) makes keeping in touch simple, but it doesn't compensate for physical contact. That's what sucks about being so far away; you can't just sit with someone. I miss that. What is it about sitting with someone that is so special? You can talk or not talk, in a lot of cases you're not touching, and most of the time you're not even looking at the person. We all watch TV with people and barely even acknowledge their presence, yet we still prefer to have someone there than not (I realize alone time is special too). The comfort of company is a hell of a thing. While I've been sitting in my room watching the first season of the Sopranos the last few nights, I've been craving company. I've met plenty of people thus far and like most of them, but all these relationships are still young and uncomfortable at times. I think this feeling of loneliness will start to deteriorate once people back home start to feel better and I become closer with people here. Maybe not. I don't know, I'm just trying to make sense of the constant rambling that is going on in my head. That's one thing that I'm sick of: my own thoughts. I just want to tell myself to shut the hell up sometimes. I've had a lot of time with my thoughts for the past few weeks and have decided that my thoughts suck!

On that note, I'm out...

Pop Music

Korean boy bands don't hold a candle to what we have in the states. I mean, it's night and day. I was eating some chicken and watching a group of four Korean guys in their twenties try to be like the Backstreet Boys in concert. They failed miserably. Nick, Howie, Brian, AJ, and Kevin would have been disgusted with such a dismal performance. First of all, they looked surprised to be on stage. As far as I'm concerned, rule number one when performing for thousands of teenage girls is you have to own the stage. You make those screaming fans feel like they've been invited into your house, let them in, wine and dine them, and then kick them out begging for more. And don't even get me started on the dancing. Justin Timberlake might have slit his wrists. Their half-hearted moves were sub-par at best and the emotion was practically nonexistent. When you're singing about heartbreak and loss, you need to show it to me on your face, in your moves, and in your voice. These guys were smiling. SMILING! I don't see Nick Lache with a grin on his face while he's singing about how Jessica Simpson might leave him. Give me puppy eyes, pain, and a cracking voice here and there, but don't give me wide-eyed surprise. Overall, two thumbs way down.

I have to write report cards for kids that I don't even know. One of the Korean teachers approached me today with a stack of student files asking me to write evaluations for July. Telling her I wasn't in Korea in July didn't seem to phase her, but for some reason it made perfect sense to me. As it turns out, the teacher I replaced left without completing them. All I can say to that is the teacher that replaces me has a stack of evaluations coming his way. That's just the nature of this place. For how hard some Koreans work, they sure do resemble some of the flaky Californians that came to know all too well the last two years. I can't really complain though. I'm getting paid and extra hundred dollars a month for teaching the best students in the school. These kids are great and the material almost challenges me sometimes, which makes class time fly by and is quite rewarding. I only have a six hour block of time with an hour of break that I work anyway. Not too demanding.

I'm done. Until next time...

Hooked Up

I can't even begin to explain how excited I am right now. I can't even keep my hands steady while I type this. I just got hooked up to the web!!!! While that may seem like peanuts to most of you, it is something that has been eating away at me since I've been here. Finally, I can surf on the information super-highway without interrupting my roommate's IM conversations with random Korean ladies (he meets and chats with women non-stop; it's hilarious). I'm a new man!
I feel like it's been a while since the last post. Let's see... I had a decent stay in Osaka. I'm not crazy about that city. It could have been the nagging intestinal responsibility that kept me close to my room, but I just didn't have a great feeling while in the city. It's a concrete jungle that is more crowded with people than my back is with hair, which makes everything feel very claustrophobic. At one point, I got stuck trying to cross a sidewalk because there were so many Japanese gamers crossing in front of me on their way to which ever computer or game room that had space. It was a human version of frogger. When I wasn't in the middle of a sweaty heard, I was trying to find a place to exchange money or an ATM that would accept my card. You would think that such a technologically advanced and international city would have ATMs that take cards with the PLUS or STAR on them. Nope. Finally, I found a Citibank that worked. Unfortunately, all that money was spent in about a day because Osaka is not cheap.
I did manage to meet some good people though. I hung out with a great Irish couple that were traveling through Japan for six weeks and a British guy that was in the first month of a two year traveling adventure that will take him through Asia, Australia and New Zealand. I love the travelers.
Now I'm back to the heat and humidity of Seoul. I can't believe that it can be this hot here now and be below freezing in the winter. Everything has got to change. My school is at the base of a long outdoor market with tons of vendors selling everything from kimchi to bedding on the street. What happens to them in the winter? We'll just have to wait and see, huh. I'll be sorely disappointed if all the fried chicken vendors disappear when the weather changes. There are about three in a row on the block, and it's mighty tasty. I'm avoiding eating too much of it (I have to watch my girlish figure), but it is such an easy option when most places don't have English menus and most of the food contains some sort of pork. The only vegetarian dish I really know is bibimbap, and I'm getting sick of that quickly. As long as I keep sweating away five pounds a day, I think I can afford to eat a little fried chicken here and there.
Well, I'm off. Until next time....

Close Quarters

Before I left for Korea, a friend told me that being in Asia is like being on Mars. While I highly doubt that this person has ever been to the Red Planet (I sure haven`t), I do feel like I`m on another planet. I`m in Osaka, Japan right now and am quite overwhelmed with my surroundings, which is not saying that I don`t like it. This place is a trip. I`m staying in a `capsule`. And when I say capsule, I mean something that resembles the drawers in which dead bodies are kept (the name escapes me). I have a locker on the main floor where I keep all of my personal items, even clothes. When I want to go to bed or to the sauna, I put on a robe that barely covers my groin area and go on my merry way. I`ve always heard about the Japanese and their kooky ways, but experiencing it first hand is a total trip. I have five people either sleeping on top or beside me. I`ll give them this, they sure do make efficient use of their space.
I just wanted to share that. My internet time and patience is running thin right now so I`m going to keep this one short. I just finished a delicious Karaage Ramen and a tall Asahi at a local hole in the wall and am having trouble focusing too. Plus, my fingers have slipped twice now and have changed the language on the keyboard and I don`t know how to change back without closing and opening the window. Patience is a virtue.

Keep it Clean

I apologize to anyone I may have offended in my last blog when I spoke of "pussy." I did, however, refer to that word in the context of a conversation and would not have brought it up if it had not happened. It was merely an attempt at a commentary on adolescence. I also didn't think that the little girl meant "cat" because she first asked me if I have a girlfriend. After I responded "yes," she immediately asked if I "like pussy." I don't know about you, but I usually don't ask someone if they have a girlfriend and then ask if they like cats. Such filthy, lewd, bawdy, and inappropriate subjects will not be discussed as long as this blog exists (ok mom).
I'm going to Osaka, Japan tomorrow for a "visa run." I guess I get in, go to the Korean Embassy, apply, come back the next day and get my visa. I'm going to make a long weekend out of it and treat myself to a decent time. The school gave me 200,000 won to spend and I'm sure I'll have no problem spending it. Especially in Japan. My first stop, after the Embassy, will be a Ramen noodle shack. mmmmmmm...Ramen....
Everything is going well. I haven't gone out much and have spent a lot of time reading. It's been hot and rainy the past few days, so being outside kinda sucks.
Well, that's it. I have to go teach. I'll give you more when I return from Japan.

Kids....

A thirteen year old girl asked me, and I quote, "do you like pussy?" While I could have given her a long and descriptive answer, I choose to tell her that kind of talk was totally inappropriate and changed the subject. I guess I never really considered that Korean youth develop and think much like any other youth around the world. I've always assumed these kids were proper and didn't think about sex and drugs. Sure, I know western kids are into that stuff, I was thirteen once too. But these kids go from school to piano lessons, to English class and then back home to do countless hours of homework. When do they have time to think about sex when they're always preoccupied with an overwhelming pressure to study and achieve. I don't even want to entertain the idea that she was propositioning me. That wasn't the way she asked the question. It was almost as if she wanted to have an in depth and serious conversation about my sexual preferences and activity. It never crossed her mind that it was the complete inappropriate thing to talk about.
The crazy thing is, I used to be that kid. I would have asked (and probably did) my teacher about their sexual activity. I guess all the weird, confusing, and awkward feelings that come with adolescence translate across the globe. What is interesting is that, much like this girl, I wouldn't understand why my teacher would refuse to speak on the subject. Why not talk about sex. When you're that age you want to be ready to talk about adult things. The only problem is that adults don't commonly talk about pussy in similar settings. Hmmmmm. Interesting, huh. The more I think about it, if talking about "pussy" will get these kids to actively start conversations in English, then why not throw them a bone. That is, of course, the point of my being there: to converse in English. I could even introduce her to some friends back in the States that could find her a great place to work where she could talk like that all the time.
Anyhoo, I finally pointed and mimicked my way into getting a power transformer for my place. Finally I'm able to listen to music, use my computer, charge my camera, etc... It was getting pretty depressing in my place with none of those things and fluorescent lights beaming down on me. There's nothing more that can make you look and feel like death than fluorescent lights.
And on that note, I'm out. Till next time campers...

Bo Knows Seoul

It's going to take a while to get used to this place. When I'm not trying to re-hydrate myself from sweating profusely throughout the day, I try motivate myself to explore the city. It's not like I don't want to get to know this place; the heat and difficult language barrier keep me next to the air conditioner in my apartment with a glass of water and my book. I have been around a bit though.
After finishing my first day of teaching, all of the westerners at the school met up for a drink at a local bar. They're all quite lovely people, and if you can't tell by the way the first part of this sentence was written, they're mostly European (Irish, Scottish and British). I had a great time with them as we went to some clubs, but I was exhausted and had to get to leave before the night was over (it was actually 4am, but people stay out till 6 or 7 here).
I've wandered around my neighborhood quite a bit and have ventured on the subway a few times as well. My current roommate and I went to the fashion epicenter of the city and people-watched for a while. We saw a choir of about 25 Koreans signing some religious tunes in the middle of one of the main cross-streets. I never thought Koreans could have so much soul. If I closed my eyes I would have assumed I was in an all black church praising the lord. Not really, but everyone was clapping on right beat in time and they sang like they meant it.
One of the highlights of my stay thus far has been a little girl wearing a brand new "Bo Knows" T-shirt. Now that's a successful ad campaign considering Bo Jackson has been retired for about 15 years. Koreans love wearing shirts with English on them, but I wonder if they have any clue what half of it means. I guess Americans act in similar ways when they get a tattoo with Chinese character on the small of their back. It just looks cool, right?
I have some serious sweating to get back to so I'm going to call it quits now. It's going to take a while for me to adjust, but don't worry, I'll have this city of 12 million people in the palm of my hand in no time....

Head First

I have a better understanding of how all of the rookies on the Kansas City Royals feel. I've been thrown into the field unprepared and clueless much like most of them although I think I have a higher chance of success. I arrived in Seoul yesterday and was taken to my temporary apartment where I almost immediately crashed, woke up this morning and began teaching. I'm a little disoriented to say the least.
The flight was long, but I was lucky enough to watch Matthew Maconoughey in the action blockbuster Sahara. Boy, do I have a new found respect for him. Not only did he manage to end a civil war in Mali, find an American civil war battleship in the Sahara Desert, end a possible life-threatening global epidemic, and find millions of dollars in hidden treasure, he also fell in love with Penelope Cruz and lived happily ever after. I won't even mention Monster in Law featuring Jane Fonda in her return to the big screen.
Anyway, I haven't had the opportunity to explore Seoul just yet. I've completed three classes thus far and am on a break before my final two. The work is easy. I spend 40 minutes repeating scenarios of meeting and greeting. The kids are well behaved for the most part, but there have been a few wild seeds. Nothing horrible yet.
One stereotype I'd like to dispel is the height of these people. Granted, I'm not a tall man, but I have noticed that I am shorter than most of the men here. I guess that explains why my half Korean, half Jew, freshman year roommate was 6'3".
Overall, things are going well thus far. All of the teachers and administrators at the school have been extremely nice and accommodating. My boss took out all of the teachers for drinks and karaoke last week and wants to take me out now.
That's it for now.
Please excuse poor spelling and grammar. I'm too tired to check this.

Test Drive

Testing 1...2... check.... is this thing on?
Here it is, my new soap box for the next year. It's just my PC and I droppin' knowledge on Korean travel, culture, and the awkward encounters that are sure to make us laugh, cry, and just say ahhh... Since I'm not there yet, I can only speculate as to what will be "Lost in Translation." To be honest with you, I'm not even that excited about it, I just needed an excuse to become a "blogger." Yep, I'm going to be a regular Doogie Howser and write about life lessons like, "just because I save lives every day doesn't mean I know the meaning of life" or, "I really hope Wanda and Vinny don't resent the fact that I'm a brilliant doctor and am only 14." This is a dream come true for me. I'll have all of your collective attention on my published little space on the information superhighway.
I leave tomorrow at noon on a 12 hour flight direct to Seoul, then I get on a bus for an hour till I get to Kanggnam (Central Seoul). A woman who speaks little to no English will pick me up and take me somewhere; I have absolutely no clue what will happen after that. I may be going to Japan the next day and I may be teaching. All I know is I'll be in a foreign country eating a lot of rice which will no doubt cause constipation. Although, the spicy food may offset the rice and keep things regular. I'll keep you posted on the progress as things develop.
That's it for now. Next time I'll be in Korea.