Below the Belt

It's hard to surprise me these days. I've gotten used to weird cultural differences and rarely think twice when put in awkward situations. This is part of the reason why I haven't been writing much lately. Bizarre things happen all the time, but these strange situations are so common that they have almost become normalized. Whenever something weird happens, I always think I should write about it, but I forget far too quickly.

Having said that, I woke up this morning still shaken by what happened last night. I wasn't thinking about my cab ride home when the driver almost killed us on three separate occasions or the ajumma that called me an idiot when I tried to order my kimbap without ham (they didn't think that the stupid white man could understand idiot in Korean). What I'm thinking of all started when I joined some friends for a birthday celebration. Since the birthday boy is gay, he wanted to go to "homo hill" for some fun. Going to a gay club in Korea is kind of funny. I went once before but was disappointed that I didn't get hit on even once. I just want to know that I'm desirable. I guess the scruffy beard, baggy pants, and the fact that I'm straight and in a relationship never attracted any men. I could be wrong, but I don't think that I scream homosexuality in my general appearance and attitude. For some reason though, I was on fire last night. It might have been my freshly trimmed hair and beard or that I actually ironed my clothes before I went out. All I know is that I was attracting more gay men than a Madonna concert. Ok, maybe not, but two or three guys were feeling my vibe. One particular short, chubby Korean man seemed to be a little too into me. I was dancing with some girls I was with when he approached me. Had I seen him coming, I could have prepared myself, but he snuck up on me without warning. I thought he was just passing by. Nope. Out of nowhere, he grabbed my reproductive organs. When I say reproductive organs, I mean my balls. And when I say grabbed, I mean full cuppage. This sparked an immediate reaction of me throwing his hand and shaking my head. I didn't think it was necessary to freak out in order to prove my masculinity, especially not in a gay bar. I just laughed about the situation and told all my friends I just got my balls fondled in the middle of the club. A few minutes later, I felt a tapping on my shoulder while I was ordering a drink. It was the same guy standing behind me giving the most pitiful wave I've ever seen. All I could think of was Scotty from Boogie Nights, but this guy didn't have any feelings of remorse. He was just as pitiful though. I told him I'm not gay and not interested. I think he got the point as I didn't see him for the rest of the night.

I've seen and experienced a lot of things here in Korea, but I never thought that I would have my nuts in a Korean man's hand. I don't recommend it and won't be trying to do it again. I did surprise me, though, and gave me some good material for writing.

Rotating:

Police and Thieves- The Clash You can hear the rock, reggae and funk influence on this one. It's a quality tune that has just the right amount energy and cool.

Heavy Love Affair- Marvin Gaye A very dancable tune with some nasty bass and even some tasteful whistling. I played this in my DJ set the other night.

I don't have anything else for you right now. Any suggestions?