A Long One to End the Year

As the year comes to an end, it's time to reflect on what we've seen in the past year. Hurricanes, a tsunami, and an earthquake have brought devastation to countless people across the globe. I can't recall in my short lifetime more natural disasters of this magnitude in one year. I'm not one to speculate about metaphysical influences on these things, but I'm sure plenty of people have their theories about God's anger or Mother Nature's wrath. While these ideas are kind of crazy to me, I do think it's a good idea to continue to question the way we are living. From the environmental standpoint, living outside of the states has provided an interesting perspective on waste, pollution, and conservation systems. Korea, in some places, is pretty efficient about managing waste. I'm always impressed when I am given an option to separate my trash into separate compost, paper, plastic, and metal containers. While that is an excellent step taken towards reducing the wrong waste going to the wrong place, this country can still be filthy. The smog, for example, can be suffocating at times. Also, there is trash everywhere despite the efficient system I mentioned before. The problem is that one can only find such a system inside. You will have just as much success finding a trash bin on the street as the United States has finding weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Someone explained this to me once, but I cannot remember why they don't have waste containers on the streets.

I rarely see well developed systems in the states for separating garbage, and if there is a system in place, no one uses it. I had a separate compost bin at my place in San Francisco, but never used it. It's not because I don't care; I just didn't have the energy or motivation to separate everything. Had there been a law that would fine me for not separating my waste, I probably would have made that special effort to do so. Sure, this is just a small thing that could help reduce over-stuffing landfills and help create more soil, but every bit counts.

There are countless other ways to help reduce waste that would not hurt too much. How about cutting down on excess packaging? Because we are so concerned with the presentation of our material goods, we like to wrap them in ridiculous bags and boxes that serve no purpose. Think about this the next time you're opening something. Even restaurants do it. Every time I went to get two tacos at Pancho Villa in the Mission, they would wrap them in foil. Then they would put them in a styrofoam container, then a paper bag, then a plastic bag around the paper bag. Oh yeah, the chips were in a different paper bag inside the other bigger paper bag. If that doesn't spell out excess, I don't know what does. How can we stop this? I don't know. All I'm here to do is complain about it and let my apathy keep me from actually making a difference.

I'm happy to see that Americans are starting to get over their own apathy and are starting to seriously question the judgment and actions of possibly the worst leader to ever occupy the White House. His actions are, no doubt, something that an all mighty being could use as reason for destruction and punishment. I am, however, a little disappointed that all of this is coming after we had a chance to get rid of him just a year ago. In the interest of my ability to come back to the States, I'll refrain from saying any incriminating comments that might suggest I'm involved with any terrorists. I do think the idea of sacrificing our freedoms to maintain freedom is kind of funny though. If we need to live in a fascist dictatorship to maintain freedom, by golly, let's do it!

Personally, I've been doing pretty, pretty good. I'm a month away from being halfway though a year contract here in Korea. I've been here five months, but I feel like it's been a decade. It's not that I'm not enjoying myself; so much has happened since I left the states that it seems like a lifetime ago. This next month is going to be especially strenuous because I'm teaching two intensive classes from 9:30 to 12:30 in the morning. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I'll be working till 9:30 at night. I didn't envision working 12 hour days when I came over here, but it's only a month and I get plenty of long breaks throughout the day. Plus, one of the intensive classes is essay writing and I won't share it with a Korean teacher. This is a great opportunity to develop my own curriculum and teaching style. I'm excited about that. I also get paid overtime for the intensives.

Well, tonight I will grace the stage at club Funky Funky with my band The Waking Party. I've asked to dj tonight as well, but the manager isn't sure about playing funk music at the club. Does that confuse anyone else? No funk music at Funky Funky? This place has the remarkable ability to not make any sense...

Happy New Year!

Santa is Coming

HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS is exactly what I was saying yesterday at school. I had the unique opportunity to transcend time and space when I put on a costume recognized across the world as representing only one thing, Santa Claus. The fact that I'm Jewish made this experience ten times more enjoyable for me. While I was enjoying the irony of my status as a Hebrew St. Nick, the children taking pictures with me couldn't have cared less and probably don't even know what Jewish means. A lot of adults don't understand what Jewish means over here. When I put on that costume, It no longer mattered what I did or said. I was Santa, and that was enough for anyone in the room.

Santa's gift to me was a humidifier for my apartment. It came a few days before Christmas, but has been providing much need moisture to a bone dry apartment. Why I hesitated for so long to buy this essential appliance escapes me, but it probably was a mix of my laziness and unwillingness to spend thirty dollars. I used it for the first time last night and can notice a distinct difference in my skin, throat, and nose. I don't know how I lived for so long without this. You'd think I'd be used to a dry environment after living in Colorado for over two years, but I never had a problem keeping even my nipples moistened there.

A sad truth about working in this country is that you don't receive much vacation time. It's just part of the culture to give the appearance that you're working hard and staying competitive with the rest of the market. While most of the students at my school are on vacation from their normal school, the academies they attend will stay open. A lot of kids take some time off from the academy, but the majority still come everyday. Time taken away from the academy is time wasted or time spent letting others gain a competitive edge on you. I really don't work too many hours, I just have to work every weekday. A lot of my presence here is just for show; to make the parents happy. I don't agree with the work ethic of this culture, but because of their strong work ethic and desire to stay competitive in the world, I am able to work and make a decent amount of money.

Same Beat

I just don't understand the appeal of deep house music. I also don't know if that is the right description of what I went to hear on Saturday night. Kruder from Kruder and Dorfmiester was playing here. I've heard of them, but haven't heard any of their stuff before. I figured that world famous people don't play in Korea that often, so I chose to check it out with some friends. I had a great time, but it wasn't because of the music. It could have been a CD that was playing on repeat or one of my students behind the turn-tables. All I heard was a constant bass drum and some tribal drums here and there with some splashes of keyboards. I really don't understand the appeal of this music, especially in a place where drugs commonly found in clubs are non-existent. I'm not saying I take these drugs, but I've been told they tend to enhance the music. I've tried to dj a bit and understand some of the challenges of mixing two records together, but I've tried to do that with r&b, funk and jazz music. Different beats. When the beat is the exact same on each record, how can it be that hard to blend it with another? Maybe I just don't understand music. However, I would have a hard time believing that even the funkiest people ever, James Brown for example, would enjoy a night of bass drum on beat 1,2,3, and, yep you guessed it, 4. He even produced a song called "Same Beat" and that's ten times more exciting than what I heard. There was nothing else of any substance that would bring a little flavor to the music. If anyone can tell me what is fun about listening to the same beat for three hours straight, please do. It sounds a bit more like torture than pleasure to me.

Another thing I don't understand: Why do people insist on facing a dj in a club? Maybe it's different in other places (I don't go to clubs very often), but everyone in the crowd was facing Kruder, and no one could see him. He was behind a huge bar-like structure blocking most of his body and his turntables. Why not turn and dance with someone? Isn't dancing with your friends the fun thing about being in a club? I was one of the few social deviants who chose to face my friends and had a great time doing it. After the show I went back to a bar where several of my friends were and danced to Salt n' Peppa, Jamiroquai, and countless other top 40 acts. You know what, it was much more fun dancing to that stuff, and no one was watching the dj.

A friend of mine once told me a joke and I'm sure I won't tell it right, but you'll get the point. Two djs were going to see a movie. One dj asked the other, "who is the projectionist?" Think about it...

Mr. Pitiful

When I got here in August and spent nearly a month sweating profusely in the extreme humidity, I didn't think it could get this cold and dry. This is the complete polar opposite of what I experienced when arriving. I can't drink enough water; that's the only thing that has been constant. In the summer, I was drinking to replace lost gallons of sweat, now I drink to avoid drying up like a prune. I'm constantly parched and get severe teacher breath by the end of the day. Talking all day with an already dry mouth will do that. I'm sure my students talk about my ca-ca breath behind my back. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste here, but that is only effective for so long when you're speaking for an hour straight. Maybe it's just halitosis, but all the other teachers carry oral hygiene products as well.

While I complain about this and anything else I can think of, the Koreans take it like business as usual. I like that. These are just facts of life for them and they're used to dealing with it. I'm sure I could find plenty of people moaning about the weather here, but I don't think it would compare to a summer retirement community in Boca Raton.

Last night, I came to realize just how pitiful I am. I was watching Tommy Hilfiger's The Cut (some would think that's pitiful enough, but it gets worse) when I recognized a model they used for a photo shoot. Shuffling through my mental rolodex, I came to recognize her from Tyra Banks' America's Next Top Model. This is a new all time low in my life. Not only was I watching reality TV which I loathe, I actually recognized one of the people on the show from a different reality program. I couldn't be more ashamed of myself, but I've been sucked into the drama. There aren't many options on TV besides Friends, a reality show, or a fashion show critiquing how Paris Hilton looked at the Teen Choice Awards. After searching for other options unsuccessfully, I have surrendered to the constant force feeding of reality TV. Some of you may be saying, why don't you just read a book? I do read, but sometimes I just want to sit on my sofa and zone out to some garbage. Plus, some of the people on these shows are hilarious. So many of them are absolutely delusional, ridiculous characters searching for fame and fortune; it is fun to laugh at them. Although I wonder if they are more pitiful for being on the show or I am more pitiful for actually watching it...

Crackers Singing Christmas Songs

If I was called a "cracker teacher" in Oakland, it would take on a whole new meaning than here in Seoul. We were studying snack food in one of my classes today when they labeled me the only "cracker" in the classroom. I would love to take one of these kids to the States and let them follow me around while making comments about daily language. The poo-poo jokes and bad words just sound so much better when they come out of their mouths because they don't always realize the significance of what they say.

I played yet another gig at club Funky Funky this last weekend. I think I have another coming up this weekend which will make it three Fridays in a row and something like five out of the last six weekends. I'm all up for playing music whenever possible, but playing the same club every weekend and doing the same tunes is getting really monotonous. Playing for the same people every week tends to accentuate the monotony as well. I guess this is a sign that I shouldn't pursue my lifelong dream of becoming a lounge musician in Vegas, at least as a drummer. I'm still brushing up my singing skills at the noraebang and could be performing "Scarborough Fair" in the Bellagio as soon as September '06.

I'll tell you what I won't be singing: any Christmas song ever written. It has been one of my many educational duties to teach my students a Christmas carol that will be performed in front of parents and teachers next week. Every time I hear "Santa Claus is Coming to Town," more hair falls off of my already thinning dome. Why does the Heeb at the school have to teach these? How can anyone possibly stay full of joy and spirit after singing the "Twelve Days of Christmas?" No wonder the suicide rate goes up around the Holidays. Every time I hear a new pop star shit out another version of "Noel," a part of my soul dies. I can handle listening to Old Blue Eyes swing through "Winter Wonder Land," but that's as far as I go. While Mariah Carey's version of "All I Want For Christmas" may not make me slit my wrist, I could become dangerously violent around my students. If you read my last post, you know I don't need much to drive me towards child abuse. While I try to push "Oh, Hanukkah" on my kids, it just doesn't seem to stick.
BAHUMBUG!!!

Lickin' Stick

I was in the school's computer lab the other day and witnessed a ridiculous beating from one of the ladies at the front desk to her son. I don't know what he did wrong, but he was definitely putting up a fight about it. He stubbornly tried to stay in his chair while his mom attempted to wrestle him out. After a few strong spanks to his rear, she got him out of the chair and gave him a good slap across the face. She quickly escorted him to an empty classroom nearby where she gave him a little more. I don't know what she did, but I've never heard screaming like that. After a few minutes, she left him in the room and there was an uncomfortable silence among all of those who had the privilege to observe the seemingly epic smack down. I made eye contact with the lady later in the day and she gave me an embarrassed smile. I chose to return the smile just because I was nervous she might beat the tar out of me if I didn't. I now look at her in a whole new light and am quite fearful of her hidden rage.
After this, I started to think about the pros and cons of hitting your children. I'd like to first point out that I don't have any kids of my own and have never hit a kid intentionally. Also, I know I recently wrote about not instilling fear into kids to get them to perform in school; this is about discipline though. I'm not saying that people should smack their kids across the face or beat them with a leather belt, but a good spanking might get a point across. A lot of kids don't understand the logic of why they shouldn't do certain things, but they do understand the association between behavior and pain. Putting a little fear into them is sometimes the only option for discipline (most adults make threats to kids for various things and that is using fear as a disciplinary tactic). But does it really teach them to behave properly or just behave properly when the spanker is present? If they are misbehaving when the spanker isn't around, then what is the best way to teach a kid how to act? I always like the Chris Rock line that goes something like, "I won't hit my kids, but I'll shake the shit out of them." When the point isn't getting across and your kid isn't listening to you trying to reason with them, is it really that wrong to put them over your knee and give them a few smacks or "shake the shit out of them?"
I can remember only one occasion when I got spanked. I had written "Fuck you Ryan Scovel" in chalk on the neighbor's sidewalk. My dad gave me a few good whacks on the ass, but I don't really remember feeling that bad about it after I was finished crying. I still tormented that kid until I was too old to care anymore. I know I was wrong, but I was an arrogant little shit that enjoyed making jokes at other's expense. Would I have behaved better had I gotten a beating from my parents every now and then? Probably not, but I'm sure my parents would have felt a little better if they could have smacked me around after I got arrested or got kicked off of the school bus in fourth grade.
I don't really think that abuse is acceptable, but I feel that a lot of kids think they can get away with murder because of a lack of serious consequences. Kids know that an adult can't hit them and will push their behavior to the limits because of that. If they had the slightest feeling that they may get a serious spanking when they get home, they may reconsider their actions. I usually don't endorse fear tactics, but, as I said before, reasoning with children doesn't always get the job done. The all mighty spank could be a last result. Then again, does it really get the point across or just make you feel better?
This is the point in the blog experience where you write comments telling me that I'm absolutely crazy for even thinking of hitting a kid or that I'm right on or that my writing is pure genius or that this blog sucks and I should be ashamed of myself. I don't really care, I just want to see some comments. Give me something to work with here. Remember, you can be anonymous in the comment.
On that note, I'm out.

If Richard Grieko Could Kill

I've been waiting for the day when two Linda Hunt movies would be on TV at the same time. Not only did I get her on two channels; they were two consecutive channels. Truly a day to celebrate. The first of the two was the 1985 western Silverado starring Kevin Kline, Kevin Kostner, Danny Glover, and John Cleese. A fine movie, but one that will always take the back seat to her, in my opinion, Oscar worthy performance in the 1991 classic comedy, If Looks Could Kill. Any time an actor stars opposite Richard Grieko, they know they're part of something special. She really captured the role of the, what I like to call, Karl Rove to the movie's George Bush (lead antagonists for those of you not familiar with my political background). Her height is never an issue and even serves as a defining character attribute that makes her role believable, as it does in most of her films. I can understand how she didn't receive the credit she deserved in this movie after being completely overshadowed by Mr. Grieko's masterful performance as a high school senior confused for a CIA operative collaborating with British Intelligence on a mission to save all of Europe. Now that's a mouth-full! He does all this while successfully passing his French class that was keeping him from graduating high school. Someone tell me why we don't see Richard Grieko in any more feature films these days. For those of you who are still wondering who the hell Linda Hunt is, she was the principal of the school in Kindergarten Cop. Now that's a hell of a movie.

Goldmember

Hello again. Sorry for the inconsistency in my blogging.
I became a Costco member the other day. Actually, I'm a Goldmember. Since I am a Goldmember, I'm considering wearing a gold tracksuit and roller skating while I shop for mass quantities of things I'll never use. I'm sharing the membership with a friend that has, under the laws of Costco, become my spouse. I always thought that Koreans frowned upon same-sex partnerships, but, apparently, Costco can look past this social dilemma and accept us as consumers that happen to share a membership as spouses and not the other way around. The cabbie we had on the way back might have thought that we were actually willing to experiment with same-sex relations and took the liberty of crossing personal boundaries. He was a very chatty guy and took a liking to both of us from the start. By the time we got to my house, he had already dropped off my friend which left just the two of us. After I paid, he extended his hand for a shake, and I happily returned the gesture. I noticed his grip was a little weak and realized why almost immediately. He gave me a palm tickle with his middle finger. I haven't felt this violated since the host at Carnegie Deli caressed my face when I was eight. I was too shocked to give a proper disgusted reaction and chose to exit the cab as quickly as possible. This guy probably thought this was just a friendly gesture to give to a guy that he couldn't communicate well with, but I don't really care. It was a bad touch.