Updating-Part I

Before I start, I just wanted to say that we should call the holiday family film, Unaccompanied Minors, what it really is; Home Alone 4. Also, I'm watching the best Simpsons episode ever when Homer allows the mafia to film porn in his house. It's called "Bonfire of the Manatees."

It's been a while since I've posted here if you didn't notice. I don't know if anyone still checks this blog, but I've got an itch to write and this is the place to do it. Since last checking this blog, I've received a few comments. Thanks to those of you who have been reading. Also, since writing my last post, a lot of changes have happened. Let's get you updated.

I left Korea on July 29th. I know there are tons of stories that I could have written about, but I have forgotten most of them and now regret not updating this very blog. I went straight to San Francisco after leaving and experienced immediate reentry shock upon landing. I had been talking about getting a burrito directly after my special lady friend picked my up from the airport, but got to the taqueria of choice and flipped out. I couldn't deal with all the San Francisco hipsters and freaks in line and had to find a save haven until I could cope with the mean streets.

I'm not one to make a big deal of small things and more often than not try to come off cooler than I am, so I didn't anticipate any real problems readjusting to life in the states. I was wrong. I wouldn't say that I was completely overwhelmed, but I had quite a bit of trouble getting used to side-stepping piss and shit on the sidewalk and ignoring pan-handlers outside of my door step (maybe this description is a bit extreme, but not as far off as you may think). For the month of August, though, I spent some good time getting used to living with others again, catching up with friends and The Grease Traps (my band), getting reacquainted to San Francisco, and taking short trips around the country.

The first trip I took was to sunny Los Angeles although my brother insists that I wasn't in Los Angeles and was only on the "West Side." Marina Del Rey to be exact. All I know is that I flew into LAX and was at my bro's place in less than 10 minutes. It was a quality visit that included plenty of drinking, good beach time, live music, and a $100 meal with a celebrity citing and dispute with the waiter. The lengthy Tim Robbins was at this Wolfgang Puck, asian-fusion, quite delicious but quite expensive restaurant, but the dispute with our waiter overshadowed my lone celebrity citing for the weekend. I paid close attention to how the bill was paid partly because I wanted to know how much I owed, and partly because it was ridiculously expensive. I didn't want anyone leaving me to pay for something like the tenderloin I didn't eat. We all paid, including a 20% tip. I saw it clearly and remember thinking about how it was done because half of us paid with cash with the other half was on cards. The waiter, I believe, pocketed the majority of the tip and left us with roughly twenty dollars to deal with. Let me clarify. He gave us $20 in change when it should have been well over $100. This was his tip. He claimed that was all he got and even humored us by "double-checking" the register to make sure he didn't make a mistake, but I know he put that extra money in his pocket because he thought he had a table of suckers that would dish out a bunch of extra cash to boost his tip. After discussing the issue at length, he told us we could leave and he'd take care of it (a sign that he did have the money). I didn't hesitate standing up and exiting as there was no way I was going to give this guy an even bigger tip out of sympathy. Anyway, LA was cool, but I don't think I'd fit in there and couldn't deal with encounters like this one even though I wouldn't be going out for ridiculously expensive dinners regularly.

The next trip after LA was to the north woods of Wisconsin and Minnesota. I haven't talked about it much in this blog, but this is a part of the country that has taken a huge role in shaping me and will always be a second home to me. I realize now after having been away for so long, that it is not an easy or cheap place to get to, especially if you live so far away. After taking a red eye into Minneapolis, I had to rent a sleek and rather peppy Chevy Impala that I drove for three hours into Lake Nebagamon, WI. This is where I used to work and go to summer camp. I hadn't slept more than two hours but was overcome with adrenaline and nostalgia that carried me through a tour of the campgrounds. With the way this country develops new strip malls and Starbucks, it's comforting to know that there are some places, no matter what happens in the rest of the modern world, that never change. Sure, there was a new coffee shop across from the gas station/supermarket and Mr. Urbaniak is cooking at the Lawn Beach Inn now, but the coffee shop is family owned and the Lawn Beach has always been a staple in the town of Lake Nebagamon. And from what I hear, the food is to die for now. Anyway, my original point of this paragraph was that it's a pain in the ass to get to this place. After I toured around camp and the village of Lake Nebagamon, I had to get someone to follow me to the rental agency at the Duluth International Airport (yes, it's international). This all doesn't include getting up to the Boundary Waters Canoe Area and Wilderness which is another three hours up highway 61. A beautiful drive up the north coast of Lake Superior littered with bait shops, Dairy Queens, and beef jerky wholesalers.

Before we could make our way up the coast, we had to pack for our trip which meant going to the grocery and liquor store to get food and whiskey, essential supplies for a BWCA trip. The grocery store is always fun. Because I've spent countless nights camping under the stars in the Boundary Waters, I've learned quite a few creative ways to cook fresh meals in the woods. So instead of shopping for dried foods and nuts, I spend more time looking for fresh veggies, meats, and cheeses. All six of us going on the trip were in the grocery store for no good reason other than we all had nothing better to do. Since we all were there, we could make menu additions and subtractions without having to worry about someone being unhappy. It never occurred to me that this was unusual until we were stopped by one of the most wicked women, a republican I'm sure, I have ever met in a supermarket. The six of us were debating whether to get three blocks of cheddar and three blocks of monterrey jack or four of each when this woman lashed out at us for exhibiting gang activity. "It doesn't take six guys to shop in a supermarket. I've seen this before and this is gang activity." I tried, at first, to ignore her, but she kept going with her tirade until I just couldn't take it anymore. I can't remember the exact details of our argument, but I do recall telling her that what we were doing was perfectly acceptable and if she continued to harass us, I'd have to alert the staff at the supermarket to have her escorted out of there. She walked off mumbling something and chose to let us continue our gang activities. I still don't know how we were acting like a gang. Maybe that's what the hardcore thugs in Superior, Wisconsin do. They go to supermarkets and buy ridiculous amounts of cheese then drive under the influence. It's called a DUIEC: Driving Under the Influence of Excessive Cheese. The fear is that these kids would OC (over cheese) and suffer from crippling gas that would debilitate them and those within a 20 ft. proximity of them for at least 15 minutes.

I'm going to do what a lot of writers do and leave you hanging for a while. When we return, we'll discuss the rest of the trip in the Boundary Waters and the rest of my various trips around the world.
Also, I would like to point out that this has not been edited at all.

Rotating:

Kissing My Love- Bill Withers Check out the drums in the intro. Brilliant.

Wind Parade- Donald Byrd

Sweet Sticky Thing- The Ohio Players