Extreme Eating

All of the employees at the school took a vacation to Sok Cho, which is really nice. I would have liked a little more time to take in what the town has to offer, but when you're on a school trip with thirty or forty people, there isn't much time to deviate from the plan.

Aside from the time he got me a box of KFC when we were at a posh beef restaurant, my boss always tries to take care of me when we're out for school meals. He hooked up a nice chicken soup while everyone went for beef, and the rest of the meals were somewhat friendly to my diet. If you know my diet--more importantly, if you know what my diet was while growing up--you'll be surprised to hear what I was eating.

I always said I wouldn't eat live octopus while over here, and I still haven't. I did, however, eat a moving squid tentacle that had just been cut from a live body. It was chewy. I couldn't fight through it fast enough. While the squirming squid was awful to think about, it didn't taste bad. The sea creature described to me by some as a "penis-fish" (apparently it looks like one) was the same. Chewy, nasty looking and awful to think about, but not horrible. The thing that really got me was the sea urchin. The spikes on the outside move and the insides either look like a baby's vomit or stool. Either way, you don't want to put it in your mouth. Since it's soupy, the taste is a total mystery until it's in your mouth. Once it does hit your lips, it actually tastes like shit. After a few seconds in the mouth, though, it somehow seems to get even worse. I don't care how good it is for you, it is the worst thing I have ever put in my mouth.

This is what I don't understand about fine dining. Why we are compelled to eat exotic things that taste like complete ass is beyond me. I understand that some need to eat odd things out of necessity, but if you can afford to eat well, why not eat something that tastes good? I just don't get the logic behind spending loads of cash on a dish that may or may not make you gag. Quite the gamble. I feel as though I could feed a dog some expensive mountain vegetables, let that process through his body, mix it with some white truffles when it comes out the other end and sell it for fifty bucks an ounce. As long as I tell poeople it will make you strong, it will sell.

I like things that taste good, and those things cost 12000 won ($12) per box when delivered to your door in thirty minutes. Eight pieces of pure heaven. Sure fried chicken legs might not be healthy, but if I want to worry about my weight, I can buy some vegetables from one of the thousands of produce markets I pass on the way to work and steam up a delightful snack. Don't take this as me not appreciating the lovely meal the other night. As long as it's not a mammal, I'm willing to try some new things. I just prefer a little fried chicken for a treat rather than something that tastes like poop. I guess my boss had the right idea when he served up some KFC at a classy restaurant.

Rotating (I don't feel like writing descriptions):

Mishaps Happening- Quantic

Can You Get To That- Funkadelic

Dukey Stick- George Duke

Stop On By- Rufus with Chaka Khan

Below the Belt

It's hard to surprise me these days. I've gotten used to weird cultural differences and rarely think twice when put in awkward situations. This is part of the reason why I haven't been writing much lately. Bizarre things happen all the time, but these strange situations are so common that they have almost become normalized. Whenever something weird happens, I always think I should write about it, but I forget far too quickly.

Having said that, I woke up this morning still shaken by what happened last night. I wasn't thinking about my cab ride home when the driver almost killed us on three separate occasions or the ajumma that called me an idiot when I tried to order my kimbap without ham (they didn't think that the stupid white man could understand idiot in Korean). What I'm thinking of all started when I joined some friends for a birthday celebration. Since the birthday boy is gay, he wanted to go to "homo hill" for some fun. Going to a gay club in Korea is kind of funny. I went once before but was disappointed that I didn't get hit on even once. I just want to know that I'm desirable. I guess the scruffy beard, baggy pants, and the fact that I'm straight and in a relationship never attracted any men. I could be wrong, but I don't think that I scream homosexuality in my general appearance and attitude. For some reason though, I was on fire last night. It might have been my freshly trimmed hair and beard or that I actually ironed my clothes before I went out. All I know is that I was attracting more gay men than a Madonna concert. Ok, maybe not, but two or three guys were feeling my vibe. One particular short, chubby Korean man seemed to be a little too into me. I was dancing with some girls I was with when he approached me. Had I seen him coming, I could have prepared myself, but he snuck up on me without warning. I thought he was just passing by. Nope. Out of nowhere, he grabbed my reproductive organs. When I say reproductive organs, I mean my balls. And when I say grabbed, I mean full cuppage. This sparked an immediate reaction of me throwing his hand and shaking my head. I didn't think it was necessary to freak out in order to prove my masculinity, especially not in a gay bar. I just laughed about the situation and told all my friends I just got my balls fondled in the middle of the club. A few minutes later, I felt a tapping on my shoulder while I was ordering a drink. It was the same guy standing behind me giving the most pitiful wave I've ever seen. All I could think of was Scotty from Boogie Nights, but this guy didn't have any feelings of remorse. He was just as pitiful though. I told him I'm not gay and not interested. I think he got the point as I didn't see him for the rest of the night.

I've seen and experienced a lot of things here in Korea, but I never thought that I would have my nuts in a Korean man's hand. I don't recommend it and won't be trying to do it again. I did surprise me, though, and gave me some good material for writing.

Rotating:

Police and Thieves- The Clash You can hear the rock, reggae and funk influence on this one. It's a quality tune that has just the right amount energy and cool.

Heavy Love Affair- Marvin Gaye A very dancable tune with some nasty bass and even some tasteful whistling. I played this in my DJ set the other night.

I don't have anything else for you right now. Any suggestions?

Buddha

It's been a while since I've written. Take that as a clue into the monotony of my life and thoughts.

I went to a festival/parade for Buddha's birthday yesterday. When arriving to the area where the festivities were taking place, we came upon a stage with a bunch of b-boys breaking to loud hip-hop. Nothing really says 'happy birthday Buddha' like some break dancing and hard beats. I wonder if Buhdda was a DJ, what would be his DJ name? I wish I could take credit for this, but a friend came up with DJ Buddhankadonk. Brilliant. If he was a breaker, do you think his signature move would be spinning on his belly (I'm assuming this is all post-enlightenment). I don't think he'd be the best MC because he just doesn't seem like the talkative type, but I'm sure he'd drop some deep knowledge if he was.

I was so proud of myself the other day. My everyday class is a wild bunch. They've been in the same class for four years and know exactly how to push each other's buttons and get worked up easily. Last time we played a game after their big test, I stopped everything mid-class as gave them a strong tongue-lashing because of their inability to play nice. The time came this month to play another game. I was dreading this class and had no ideas of what to do. By the time class started, I was banking on the idea that I could just talk to them long enough for them to forget about any games. Right when class started, I suddenly became the best teacher I know. I pulled out some sort of Jedi mind trick, convincing the kids that playing nicely was the only way to play anything. They fell under my spell and became my little puppets. We ended up drawing pictures, and the kids spent the class talking to each other quietly and respectfully. It was the most pleasant classroom I think I've even been in. I drew a picture of a yellow submarine (the kids learned that song this month).

Rotating:

Sweet Exorcist- Curtis Mayfield A super-depressing tune, but it's full of soul. It's one of my favorite Curtis Mayfield songs.

Smilin Billy Suite Pt 2- Heath Brothers This one was sampled by Nas on 'One Love' from the Illmatic album. Percy Heath lays down a great bass line that carries the track.

Grooveallegiance- Funkadelic From the album One Nation Under a Groove, this one is powered by its' cosmic vocal work. There's also a great bass solo to close out the song.

Fallen Star- Latoiya Williams I just found this one. I heard it more than a year ago and remember thinking it had a cool, different sound. The hook on it is lovely.